


if i

by adorescence



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Getting Back Together, M/M, Slight soonchan if you squint, hurt/comfort is my forte, yes i'm sorry but happy ending though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 16:52:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13369029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorescence/pseuds/adorescence
Summary: Seungcheol gave him a genuine smile as he leaned on his door frame (he wore his black Supreme hoodie Wonwoo ever so loved, but the latter didn’t even notice it so his heart sank a bit), and Wonwoo returned it back while he lifted one of Lucky’s paws, waving Seungcheol a goodbye.It hurted him, because the night they broke up Lucky was rescued to Jihoon’s house and it was easier for him to watch Wonwoo go, unlike now.





	if i

**Author's Note:**

> Hello so my holiday just started but i got my phone broken so i've been locking myself in my room making fics and watching videos and here is one fic imade that is not a failure. I hope you enjoy<3

Everything was coming back to wreck Seungcheol’s sanity right after Seungcheol offered a stay for Wonwoo.

It was a night, a peaceful one that Seungcheol had been planning a long sleep on to do. He was making his way to his bedroom after getting himself a glass of warm water when he heard his bell rang, showing a sad face of Wonwoo, with the Calico kitten named Lucky in his hands and bags on the floor when he opened the front door.

“My roommate is moving out without me knowing. That Junhui is a punk. And i don’t want to renew my lease there, it’s pricey alone. May i... stay the night, hyung? Just until i’m finding a new, affordable one. Please.”

Wonwoo, however, is a polite person. And Seungcheol only let polite people in his house. So he got his guest room vacant that night.

.

 

“I think i must go soon.”

Seungcheol knitted his eyebrows, slight distaste on what Wonwoo just said.

“I’ve been here for a month and a half, hyung. I am no more a jobless person, though,” Wonwoo said, his right hand was scratching behind Lucky’s head. The Calico was purring softly in Wonwoo’s lap, who was facing Seungcheol, face filled with nothing but his usual serious expression.

“But i don’t mind?” Seungcheol answered, the bacon on his plate stabbed by his fork roughly along with the change of his tone, the usual gentle turned to a confused one — _disagreeing_.

“But i’m not your boyfriend, nor your special person anymore. I must know my place here.”

The words were like arrows aimed at him, and the bacon ended on the trash anyway, after Seungcheol sighed heavily, feet dragging him to his own room, banging the door loudly.

.

 

“Where are you moving to?”

Seungcheol nudged his cheek with a can of beer as he sat beside the boy on the couch, earning an angry hiss. The latter received the beer while munching on a slice of large pizza Seungcheol brought home from the company party.

“Seokmin’s roommates, i guess them Mingyu and Minghao? They will move to Japan together because they are about to handle a branch there, leaving their so called 97 Gang dumbie Seokmin alone, so i’m in. It’s spacey but insanely affordable.”

Wonwoo opened his can, sipping at his beer calmly as he stared at the older. Seungcheol only shrugged, an eyebrow quirked upward lazily.

“Hope you’re good with Seokmin, your sleep-walking habit will get along well with his sleep-talking one,” he ruffled Wonwoo’s hair. He swore he saw a shade of red bloomed on Wonwoo’s cheeks, but he had been working until so late at night, maybe he needed some sleep.

.

 

Seungcheol didn’t sleep the night after Wonwoo packed his things. He was _thinking_ , hard.

 

Figuring _something_ out.

.

“I can’t believe you, hyung,” Jihoon eyed him sarcastically. He huffed to the cold night air, hot smoke flew past his lips, “We’ve talked about this matter since the day after you broke up with him long ago.”

Seungcheol didn’t blame Jihoon, he was right, Seungcheol still didn’t accept the fact that he and Wonwoo was over already that night — silence thick and stabbing right on their chests, misunderstanding killing a love that was made of two hearts. Seungcheol still thought everything was his fault.

“You never talk and explain about that matter to him when you got the chance to,” Jihoon patted his best friend’s back gently, then he continued, “That’s the only fault you’ve _done_.”

.

 

It was fall when Wonwoo finally moved out. All of his things gone — _again_ , Seungcheol insisted his opinion — only Lucky’s food remaining behind the couch, maybe he forgot.

Seungcheol gave him a genuine smile as he leaned on his door frame (he wore his black Supreme hoodie Wonwoo ever so loved, but the latter didn’t even notice it so his heart sank a bit), and Wonwoo returned it back while he lifted one of Lucky’s paws, waving Seungcheol a _goodbye_.

It hurted him, because the night they broke up Lucky was rescued to Jihoon’s house and it was easier for him to watch Wonwoo _go_ , unlike now.

.

Smoking was a way Seungcheol cope with his sadness.

The cigarette between his pointer and middle finger was a half to go. He blew the smoke softly, watching it dissolve in the end of autumn night air before it disappeared slowly. What they had too, was dissolving fast and disappeared without them realizing.

Seungcheol’s work was hectic, he came home with tired face, avoiding Wonwoo’s hug only to continue working on his laptop. Wonwoo had a trauma with busy people — his parents were like that, too. They didn’t build him on love but loneliness. And Wonwoo was afraid, he was afraid Seungcheol would be like them and it was the start that everything wasn’t the same and he accused Seungcheol for being unhappy with him. Seungcheol tried to explain but Wonwoo never listen whenever he’s down. And Seungcheol said a break would be good to clear both minds, but he found himself slowly withered from Wonwoo, the same way Wonwoo faded from him.

He thought maybe after some times, they would be okay again, that he could explain. Wonwoo came back to him not long after, only this time he wore a robe of no more a special person to Seungcheol and he looked like he was healing, but he kept coming back to him like he was giving him so many chances to try again, too bad Seungcheol was buried deep in his own sadness that he always held himself back to explain.

The ash and the cigarette’s butt remained trashes — just like Seungcheol and his broken heart remain shattered and unexplained.

.

 

“We thought you’re dead,” Soonyoung said with a crisp laugh, half of his face hidden behind his wool scarf. His antics were never Seungcheol’s cup of tea, but he admitted that Soonyoung is a great friend to have. The eyes were making the usual 10:10 (Seungcheol always found it pretty) as he walked to the older’s kitchen. Chan only grinned, he walked to sit beside Seungcheol on the couch instead, leaving Soonyoung who then filling his fridge with cans of coke, meats, and some fruits (he took out his bottles of Red Bull when the older wasn’t looking, putting them in the trash bag he brought).

“We were driving near this road then we remember you haven’t show up for like, 8 days. So we decided to visit and went to the market to buy you supplies just in case you’ve been locking yourself. But don’t worry, just think of it as a fair exchange of what you did to me back then when i was stressed over finals,” Chan said, his back leaning comfortably on Seungcheol’s black couch like the old days.

Seungcheol remembered buying him meats and chips for the boy to chew while he was studying for finals (Chan got insomnia since long ago and he found out he was also stress-eating, and he was a very good little brother to everyone, so Seungcheol just wanted to reward him with foods to lift some weights off the younger shoulders). Chan patted his shoulder, his hand warm on Seungcheol’s exposed shoulder for he had been all shirtless in just his pyjama pants despite it being the beginning of winter. The younger was worried about him, he knew. It was just he couldn’t bring himself sane the past days so he decided to went missing on his social life, from people.

“I don’t know what happened, but i need you to know that you’ve got me and Soonyoung on your back.”

Seungcheol wanted to say thank you, but Soonyoung shouted at Chan, _I’m a hyung to you, idiot!_ so he just nodded slowly.

He finished a portion of home made ravioli carbonara Chan made that evening — it was good, unlike when he made a kimchi pancake almost setting his own kitchen on fire, Seungcheol mentally patted the boy’s head proudly — after days of consuming only packs of instant ramen, glasses of instant coffee, and cigarettes.

.

When he got out of his apartment to attend an old friend’s wedding at a warm spring day, he met Wonwoo again.

Seungcheol came with his Toyota Camry and neat black tuxedo framing his built body. He didn’t fancy watching the vow so he came a bit late to the wedding. The theme was simple but beautiful, garden party with lots of stars and astronomical stuffs for the decorations. Seungcheol sat on the last row, finding Jisoo was in the front row with Jeonghan — Seungcheol somehow felt sad, those two closest friends of him didn’t contact him the night before about going together to the wedding, and here he found them betraying him after times of him offering them rides. But just kidding, Seungcheol said to himself, _i’m not bitter_. The newly-wed were bright, though. Seungcheol smiled with a small nod when Seungkwan, his junior at college, waved at him with a big grin plastered on his face, mouthing a slight _thank you for coming, hyung_ as he nudged Hansol, his _fresh outta the church_ husband, with his elbow to wave at him too.

He didn’t realize someone was sitting beside him with soft pants coming from their breathing.

“Ah, i made it,” the person said, and when Seungcheol turned his head to see, he held his breath. It was Wonwoo, smiling contently with his hair styled in a comma, white tuxedo on his lanky figure. He waved at him when Seungcheol finally let out his breath.

“Hey, glad to meet you here, hyung. I thought i’ll be dead with no friend to talk while Hansol is there being happy with his Boo.”

A wave of longing and guilt washed over him when Wonwoo laughed at Seungkwan tripping over his own foot. He missed him, he missed everything in him, everything on him. Seungcheol remembered he often waking up to Wonwoo’s warmth instead of a cold and empty side whenever he reached out his hand, hoping to find what was missing.

Seungcheol wanted to excuse himself, he didn’t want to let any single tear drop to fall. He got a bathroom reason to use already but he remember Jihoon’s words that night, so he sat still. But two seconds later he grabbed Wonwoo’s pale wrist and he took him somewhere far from the crowd.

 _It’s now or never_ , Seungcheol thought, _I want my happiness back_.

.

“Why we name him Lucky?” Wonwoo asked, his voice soft. The sun was rising outside, soft hue of yellow peeking from the corner of Seungcheol’s window that wasn’t covered by the curtains. Wonwoo ran his fingers on Seungcheol’s hair, there, circling around his fourth finger, was a silver ring. Seungcheol only smiled.

“I don’t know,” he kissed Wonwoo’s nose and the latter chuckled softly, “I’m afraid we name him that because we want to be lucky on repairing broken things we ever loved so much.”

“Still until now, we love them.”

“Yeah. Now and always will.”

It was a Sunday morning, Wonwoo had to finish the article he needed to submit today before 2PM and Seungcheol got some papers to be signed, but that can wait. Seungcheol closed his eyes as he fell asleep again on the latter’s arms, and he missed the way Wonwoo’s lips kissing his temple softly after he mouthed _i love you_ on the skin, later whispering on his ear that everything was not broken since the first place, only hidden behind a dark and thick cloud of misunderstandings.

**Author's Note:**

> Calico cat in folklore is believed to bring good luck, so the name's Lucky for a solid reason^^
> 
> Anyway comments and kudos are so much appreciated and hmu on twitter (@dinovelty) pls i need more seventeen mutuals T____T


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